I started with this topic in my first pulished article online which I believed you have gotten one point or two to strengthen your Marriages, Relationship and homes, this serves as the concluding part which will concretize your understanding on meta emotions style in sustaining Relationship.
Relationship problems is what Everybody, homes experienced. And sometimes you have them over and over and over.Most of the people giving advices don’t know, and might not even have the knowledge of what you are passing through . But this concluding part will give you real response to salvage the relationship problems .Among things to learn are;
- The four things that doom relationships.
- The three things that prevent those four things.
- The most important part of any relationship conversation.
- The single best predictor of whether a relationship is working.
Four Things that Doom Relationship
1. Criticism: This is when someone points to their partner and says their personality or character is the problem. Criticism staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner. The spouse did the opposite: they point a finger at themselves and they really have a very gentle way of starting up the discussion, minimizing the problem and talking about what they feel and what they need.Ladies, are you listening? Because criticism is something women do a lot more than men. Don’t worry, we’ll get to how the guys screw up soon enough.
2. Defensiveness: This is responding to relationship issues by counterattacking or whining. It is a natural reaction to being criticized. It takes two forms: counterattacking or acting like an innocent victim and whining. Again, the Masters were very different even when their partner was critical. They accepted the criticism, or even took responsibility for part of the problem.
3. Contempt: It’s the predictor of breakups. Contempt is acting like you’re a better person than they are. Contempt is talking down to their partner. Being insulting or acting superior. Not only did it predict relationship breakup, but it predicted the number of infectious illnesses that the recipient of contempt would have in the next years when we measured health.
4. Stonewalling: It’s shutting down or tuning out. It passively tells your partner, “I don’t care.” And 85% of the time it’s guys who do this.(Okay, that’s what kills a relationship.
Preventing this from happening in order to sustain relationship the following measures must be put into consideration;
1. know Thy Partner: it could be called building “love maps.” It’s really knowing your partner inside and out. A love map is like a road map you make of your partner’s internal psychological world. The spouse will always asking questions about their partner and disclosing personal details about themselves. Why is this so rare? It takes time. And the disasters didn’t spend that time. In fact, most couples don’t spend that much time.
2. Responding Positively to “bid” . We all frequently make little bids for our partner’s attention.You say something and you want them to respond. To engage. It can be as simple as saying, “Nice day, isn’t it?”It’s almost like a video game: when the person responds positively (“turning towards a bid”) your relationship gets a point.
When they don’t respond, or respond negatively, the relationship loses a point. Couples with high scores build relationship equity. They’re able to repair problems. They’re able to laugh and smile even when arguing. And that makes a big difference. If you turn toward bids at a high rate, you get a sense of humor during conflict. Humor is very powerful because it reduces physiological arousal during arguments and that’s been replicated in several studies.
3. Show Administration: Ever listen to someone madly in love talk about their partner? They sound downright delusional. They act like the other person is a superhero. A saint. And research shows that is perfect. Spouses see their partner as better than they really are. Disasters see their partners as worse than they really are. Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner. And that leads us to how to predict whether your relationship is working…
However, the only thing to do to improve a relationship is to “Learn how to be a good listener.”The spouse know how to listen. When their partners have a problem, they drop everything and listen non-defensively with empathy. And sometimes the best thing to do at the beginning of a relationship argument is to end it immediately, reason being that couple’s problems are perpetual. They won’t be resolved.Beating a dead horse, asking someone to fundamentally change who they are isn’t going to work — but it will make them angry.
Conclusively, spouses must learn to accept what will not change and focus on the positive. They seem to say, “There’s a lot of good stuff here and I can ignore the annoying things.”
From your darling relationship pathologist. #CoachMan cares#
letstalkaboutit 